I've been thinking about this blog post for quite a while. Thought about it throughout the day to be honest. As I sit here, eating my red velvet ice cream, I'd like to share some of the things I've learned as a father in the last year. If you're planning to have a kid someday, these could be helpful in some way.
First of all, being a parent is the easiest and hardest job I'll ever have. No, really. It's easy to love the baby when it comes out of your spouse because YOU helped make it. YOU are a part of this kid's life. This baby is a beautiful sight, but then there's the hard part. YOU now have to put 100% effort into taking care of this kid, making sure it doesn't get hurt and is fed/changed regularly. This kid needs YOU just as much as it needs it's mother. And your spouse needs you now more then ever. Your life is now changed forever. Forever always sounds like a terrible thing to add to something doesn't it? Not in this case, at least for me. I remember the very first night at the hospital. The nurses said "we'll take her to the nursery so you guys can get some much needed sleep" Great. 20 minutes later they brought her back "Um, she woke up all the other kids so we're leaving her with you guys". I don't remember her sleeping the rest of that night. I should have known right there that we didn't get the "easy kid". For the next week, we were averaging 20 minutes of sleep a night.
Which brings me to the next thing I learned. As a parent, you don't sleep as much as you used to. Unless you have one of those "easy kids" that sleeps a lot. I remember when we brought Mia home. I was walking around in circles in the moon-lit kitchen doing the "shhh"ing thing over and over to get her to sleep. When she'd finally pass out, I'd sit back down with her in my arms admiring this adorable baby...till she woke up again. Mommy's turn :) These days she sleeps way better at night, but currently with 3 teeth coming and a stuffy nose, she's waking up throughout the night. Just like OLD times eh?
I don't like to use the words "sacrificing" or "giving up" for this next thing I learned, but as a Dad/parent, you learn that being a responsible parent comes first over everything else. The days of me playing shows every weekend are very missed, but looking at the bigger picture, not as important as being there for both Jill and Mia. It's where I need to be. I'm sure I frustrate some friends that invite me out often for beers, but this is what's going to work for now. When Mia gets older, Jill and I will have some more freedom to do other things. So you'll have to wait a while. In time, I'll be able to play music again.
The littlest things the baby does will make your day. No pun intended :P I remember when she learned to roll over on her own. I thought that was amazing. When she said "Dad". THAT was amazing. The littlest things Mia does, just make me smile. When she holds my fingers to walk around the house, or stores...when she says "hi" to everyone...When she gives hugs and kisses to me. When she chills out during Ted Leo & The Pharmacists "Me and Mia" When she dances while I play my bass guitar...Her laugh and smile...It's amazing how much joy this little girl can bring.
If you're grossed out by poo/baby vomit/changing diapers/etc, you'll get over it real quick. I never had to change a diaper in my life before we had Mia. I practiced once on a stuffed shark. Seems easy when they're not kicking viciously. The fact is, the more you change her, the more you get used to it. The nasty blow outs are as gross as anything, but as the parent, you've got to get that kid clean quickly before she sticks her foot in it. Nasty right? Eh, you get used to it.
Take a lot of photos. Really, because the baby grows REALLY fast and it's actually surreal looking at old pictures and videos of Mia. I know, I know we post a LOT of pictures of her, but with family & friends out of state, we like to keep them updated with new pictures. My mother in law says that every morning before work, she likes to go on Facebook and see if there are new pictures up, which makes her smile before a long day at the school. If I can make that much of a difference, it's totally worth it.
The amount of unsolicited advice you receive is staggering. Just about everyone has an opinion on what you should do, or how you should do things. Some could be beneficial, some, not so much. You know what's best for your kid.
Every kid is different. Simply put, you have to try not to compare your baby to others. They all progress and move at different periods. It can be tough considering how often I hear "well my kid slept in the crib at 2 months and we do real well at night". I find myself resenting these kind of people. Comparing doesn't help.
Lastly, Enjoy parenthood! After a very long day at work, coming home to my family is the greatest feeling in the world. Ever. Going on walks as a family, playing and reading with Mia, it just can't be topped for me. We are so fortunate to have this beautiful baby in our lives and are grateful every day.
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